Ask For Advice

Need perspective? You can write to me anonymously with anything you might be facing and I will surely shed some honest insight.:-)

 

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Answers So Far..

  • Someone asked:
    Hi shaz, I came across your blog through miss Malini and I found myself completely hooked on to it. Some of your writings made me cry. I myself have been going through similar situation over past couple of years. My parents have been looking around for a guy to get me married for last 4 years. I have met many such guys though them but honestly I haven't found a single one who is interesting enough. All this while I kept saying that my time will come eventu ally. I turned 28 last month and I have completed all my studies. Now I feel is the right time for me to settle down. But I am yet to meet anyone interesting. I don't know if I have set some unnaturally high standards for myself but all I want is someone I find interesting enough to have a conversation with and who is ambitious and has similar life goals. What am I doing wrong to be persistently being stuck in this situation? To add to my worries, is this new development that happened some days ago. I had a friend in my medical college who was really nice to me. We remained cordial with each other over the years and were in touch once in a while over the phone. Over the last couple of weeks I have suddenly started wondering if he could make an amazing partner. We share similar basic values and goals and although we belong to different castes ( me a brahmin and he a marwari ) I don't think that should be a problem. I tried telling myself that these are just hormones playing havoc on my mind. But for the last month or so, I find myself thinking about the numerous possibilities I have with him. He had told me once that he liked me but that was years years ago. We speak ocassionaly over the phone and exchange pleasantries on watsapp. What do I do? Do I tell him? How do I tell him? Or do I wait for another alliance to come my way? I really want to solve this problem ASAP and it kills me everyday to see my parents worry so much over me. Please help me. Thank you so much for writing straight to my heart Love Shweta
    • Avec Shaz replied:
      Hey There! Thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad my writing touches your heart as it is the main reason I write. I want you to know that you are not alone and that most 28 year old Indian women find themselves in the same situation at this age. I also want you to know that you are doing nothing wrong! Sometimes it takes time to meet the right person and that is okay. I understand your parents concern and that they must be worried just like most of our parents are, but do not get pushed into anything that is not right for you. Waiting for someone that is right for you, is the RIGHT and only thing to do. If you feel your standards are to high, reevaluate what you are looking for in someone and as you said, make sure it fits your life goals. Now coming to this guy :). Well, you already know that he once liked you, so you at least know that even if he has moved on, he probably still finds you attractive. Since you already are in touch with him, try suggesting dinner and meet up with him casually as a friend. You never know, you guys might actually hit it off. If not, at least you won't regret never finding out. In search of finding the right person, never be afraid to put yourself out there and see what your options are. If it is the right person, trust me, it will stick. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes :).
  • Someone asked:
    Hey, I need some advice. I went out over the weekend, and I met this girl at Ellipsis in Colaba. She's definitely attractive and our friends there set us up, essentially. We spoke about it that night and the initial awkwardness of the setup dissolved into the abyss of warm beer and drunken friends. She was recovering from being sick and we shared a drink. I'm sick now and I don't know if I should tell her that it's all her fault. We are both also recovering from failed relationships, but decided to keep talking nevertheless. She is a pleasure to talk to and is insightful with a hint of wit. She's also a foodie and slave to music, similar to me. We decided that we should grab dinner. She agrees to buy me dinner to make up for my sickness, so that's a win. Where should we go? Help me! It seems as if you would know this person so well. Time is of the essence!!
    • Avec Shaz replied:
      That is so funny you mention that. I think I know the girl your talking about. I have a friend who mentioned she met a guy at Elipsis who got out of a failed relationship and she has gone through some heart break as well recently . But the girl I'm talking about is super witty, so I am hoping we are talking about the same person! She told me she shared a drink with you and possibly got you sick and feels terrible about that. I think she found you attractive and interesting as well. She did not mention buying you dinner as I believe you asked , that being said, you should pick the place . Perhaps you both can go Dutch even. I'd suggest surprising her with something you like. And remember , just be yourself . Good luck , let me know how it goes 🙂
  • Someone asked:
    Hi Shaz, I just read the posts on your blog and loved all of them! I am just very confused right now. There is a guy, I have known since the past two years, and we have become very very good friends. He has really liked me since the beginning, but I was in another relationship then(not anymore). But even when I was in another relationship, this guy has always been there for me and looked out for me; really listened to me as a friend. However now we have hung out a lot as friends, but I am starting to have feelings for him. However I realise, as much as I feel he cares for me, he is completely different towards me around his friends. At times, I have felt very out of place, and he realises and makes very little effort to help me. I am very social and love to talk to people, but when the conversation is about people I dont know or tv shows I dont watch, I can't really say much. I can feel myself getting very uncomfortable. At that time the focus is his friends and pleasing them. I know what he was with me is real, but with his friends he just tries to act all cool and always tries say something. I respect the fact that he may be insecure, but can I let myself be taken for granted like this? In fact once he asked me to meet him, and one of his friends called, and he was on the phone for 20 minutes, when he had to leave in half an hour! I walked out of the coffee shop, but how do i keep the relationship beautiful, give to it and not be taken for granted? He does really always make too much effort otherwise, but this is holding me back from committing to him.
    • admin replied:
      Hey There! You are officially my first Avec Shaz 'ask me for advice' post. Thank you so much. I am glad that you wrote to me and that you love reading my blog posts! So, about this guy. Are you sure that he still wants to commit to you? or has this relationship now turned into a friendship from his side? Whichever one it is, I believe that if you feel taken for granted, and as you said, this is someone who has always been there for you and really listens to you, then you should tell him. Tell him how you think he behaves around his friends and tell him that you feel taken for granted sometimes. Remember, you can't keep a relationship beautiful. It either is or it isn't . But if you want to find out, then it requires work, dedication and most importantly..communication. If there is something holding you back from committing to him, then he deserves to know what that is. Word to the wise, men are not mind readers. If you do not tell him, he is NOT going to figure it out. It will just go over his head. If he cares, trust me, he will hear you loud and clear and make the change that is required. Hope this helped. Let me know how it goes and do write to me if you still have more questions 🙂