Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?

friends with your ex

So, you have spent months, days and a lot of your time with someone you loved. Then, the relationship breaks and all you are left with is this void in your heart. Just like quitting an addiction, you have to convince your system that you are going to have to learn how to live without them. However, is that necessary? Do you have to cut them out of your life completely? After spending so much time investing in each other’s growth, can’t the relationship blossom into a friendship? I guess, there are a few factors that you need to consider.

 Are you over the relationship?

If you have truly let go, then ONLY, is it okay to try and be friends with your ex? If you are using this as an excuse to get back in their life and win them back, then you certainly SHOULD NOT be friends with them right now. You know the true answer in your heart so this excuse would only be a way for you to try and fool yourself. I am not saying that you need to be over them completely. Sometimes, we never truly get over people completely. We just learn to move on and understand that this relationship wasn’t the one that would survive the test of time. If you are in a good place with yourself and can handle being in your ex’s life JUST as a friend, then this new bond is possible.

Was the relationship toxic?

If this was a relationship that was bad for you, where they were filled with massive fights and bringing out the worst in each other, THEN, you can’t really be friends. The only way to rid yourself of this connection is to understand that this person never added value to your life. The relationship came into your life to teach you about your weaknesses as a human being. This relationship was a one-way ticket to a meaningful lesson you needed to learn. Why keep any sort of a connection alive, when dropping this person from your life was always the way to go?

 Were you ever really friends?

Sometimes, we hold on to the idea of a friendship because it is hard to let go of the person completely. If your relationship started out as a friendship, then yes it is possible to maintain that. It also depends on the maturity levels of two people. Some people value their friendships. They understand that even if they were wrong for each other in the long run, they still care for each other and can maintain some type of a bond. However, some of us don’t see it that way. If you were never really friends, to begin with then, unfortunately, your ex may not see the value in keeping you around.

The saying, ‘Out of sight and out of mind’, tends to work for some people as a form of moving on. However, if they don’t wish to still be friends then it is their loss. If you were truly friends from the start, then nothing would shake the foundation.

 Why did you break up?

Unfortunately, guys, this reason is actually the one that defines whether you can stay friends with an ex. If the love died, chemistry ceased to exist or living together ended feeling like nothing but roommates, then there is a GOOD chance you can actually stay friends. Most people that come out of relationships like these have an understanding that the break up was mutual. It was time to part ways, so they did. Reasons like, someone cheated, couldn’t commit fully or any sort of abuse, don’t really make it to the friendship finish line. Have a look at my article How To Deal With Being Cheated On

The reason for this is that all good friendships have one and only one thing in common. That is respect for one another. If respect was not a common factor in your relationship than friendship truly wasn’t either.

It is completely up to you if you want to keep your ex in your life. Is it possible? Absolutely. However as mentioned, some people prefer cutting you from their lives as a way to move on. If you are thinking of rekindling a friendship with an ex then make sure that it is mutual. Unfortunately, we all don’t heal in the same way so our reactions to certain situations can vary from person to person. If you still recovering from it, have a look at my article: How To Get Through A Breakup- Your Go-to Guide

I think the question that we tend to ask ourselves is, CAN you be friends with your ex?

However, perhaps what we should be asking is,

are there enough of reasons…for WHY I should?

 

 

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