I was recently asked to write an article that answered this very question. However, a lot of other questions are raised when answering this very one. Is there a time frame involved? Does walking away too quickly, make you look like you did not value the relationship? Or on the other hand, is holding onto the ‘post break up baggage’ for too long, right for you? Is there a right time to date?
Perhaps all of this correlates to if you are ready to let go. Most people stay in their ‘post break up baggage’ because weirdly enough they find comfort in it. They find comfort in holding on to the remaining pieces of their relationship because at least the pieces exist right? The fear of starting over with someone new can be terrifying. At least this way you get to hold on to the fantasy. However, what you don’t realize is, that you are not allowing yourself to actually find what you truly seek.
To answer some of the question above; NO! There is no actual right time to move on. It is solely based on how you feel and what you want out of your life. Finding what you want is going to be hard and it is going to be scary. But being with yourself and allowing yourself to enjoy a new adventure is also thrilling, exciting and inspiring. You can’t allow yourself to live in guilt and fear of moving on to fast or to slow. You have to do what feels right to you. However, if you are holding on for dear life, you will loose good opportunities so you must allow yourself to embrace them. If you meet someone new, you can always let them know where you are in your life and move slowly with them ahead. If your past relationship was traumatic, it is okay to want to take time to yourself. There is no hard and fast rule as to how quickly you need to heal or start something new. You can love someone and still get to know other people. Do not let good things pass you by.
A lot of people live in this common theory that we have to be ready to embrace things. I have always thought that this concept was silly. You are never going to be “ready” for something new because you have no clue about what this will bring since you have never experienced it. The universe is not going to ring your bell and hand you a card that will read ‘You are ready now’! Life just happens. That is the only thing that you should be ready for. Things change and the most unexpected could happen at any given moment.
I have seen many happily married couples whose journey never started with a clean slate. It started messy, because let’s face it, everyone comes with baggage. However, when they found each other and gave it a ‘shot’ it turned into something beautiful. Stop thinking that there is a right time. Focus on what you have to do to let go. And once you do, enjoy every moment. Live in the moment; don’t over analyze your future. Good things, take time.
I am not saying that you immediately have to jump into a relationship. You first need to heal to allow some one else in, and that is okay. You won’t be able to give yourself to another without working on yourself first. However my point here is that there will never be a moment where you are just going to be magically ready. Moving on is a step you take, it is not something that happens over night.
I am also a firm believer that as much as you try to move on, human beings tend to compare everyone to the last person they put on a pedestal. That pedestal is only replaced when they meet someone intriguing enough to put there. Think of all your last relationships and how you moved on. I am not talking about a rebound. I am talking about allowing yourself to experience new people and let them in. It is always going to be a risk. You have to decide if it is worth the risk? Because no matter how much time you give yourself, eventually, you will jump, you will take the plunge because it is what YOU truly want.
You might loose the pieces of the relationship you held onto for so long, but you will find new pieces of yourself.
And who knows?
Maybe your pieces might be exactly the missing one’s…
in someone else’s puzzle.