After dating for years and having at least a few serious relationships under your belt, it is important that you now know what you are looking for a in a partner. The heart will always want what it wants, but perhaps it is not wise to listen to it in every situation. Take a look at 5 things you should consider before repeating similar patterns that will lead you to yet another break up.
Hormonal vs. True feelings: As much as I really hate to burst your bubble of emotion, but believe it or not, some of your feelings, AREN’T REAL. Your hormones can make you feel attracted to someone and when your hormones are not satisfied, they can also make you think that you really want to be with them. Know the difference between lust and love. This is not as hard as you may think. Just take a breath and ask yourself, do I really want to be with this person?
Shared goals vs. Thinking alike: You meet someone and the shared vibe is just great. They finish your sentences, they think exactly like you and you agree on everything. You now start thinking, perhaps this really does have some serious dating potential, correct? WRONG. You can have that with a family member and a friend as well. This is not a deal breaker. You should only be considering commitment with this person if your life goals seem complimentary. The way they view the world and their personal goals to achieve, should be similar to the way you view your life and your goals. Although your goals may be different, there should be a shared outlook. Now that’s your deal breaker.
Growth vs. Feeling complete: Does this person help you grow as an individual or do they make you feel complete? Most people do not consider this question and eventually their relationships don’t work out. The fundamental building block of any relationship that lasts, is this very question. There is no such thing as needing someone else to complete you other than yourself. It is self-sabotaging to want the prior. The second you are using someone to validate yourself, one day they won’t have the energy to do it and on that day your relationship, will start cracking. Find someone that promotes your self-growth and you theirs. Their part in the relationship should be similar to the role played by a co-pilot of an airline. At all times, you need to remember that the person actually flying the plane, is YOU.
Lifestyle vs. Part of their life: Yes parts of your lives are identical. Your way of living and your daily life is so similar. Tell me, how often do you see the said person? Once a week? Thrice a week? Can you really tell how they spent their day because they gave you some vague answer on the phone? You can’t decide to be with someone until you have really taken the time to get to know him or her and his or her lifestyle. Knowing someone’s lifestyle is important because it needs to match with yours. If you are planning to build a relationship with this person and do not pay attention to this, then one day your lifestyles will clash. Unfortunately, someone will have to change theirs and full fill the other person’s needs, leaving one party extremely unhappy. See the bigger picture before jumping the gun.
You vs. Yourself– Yes, you are one of the things on this list. Do you want to know why? Because, we all can be our own worst enemy. If you want a relationship that stands a chance to last more than just a couple of months, you are going to have to force yourself to think of the bigger picture and look ahead, before getting involved. You have the power to make a choice. Choose carefully.
Sometimes you may take all these precautions and something else in your relationship might still go wrong. However, if you don’t want another guaranteed failed relationship then perhaps you should consider what you already know and what your long term needs and wants are.
View the world like a high tide. Eventually the wave is going to hit and you are going to be left with two options.Option 1, you can let the wave push you into any direction it may choose for you. Option 2, you can take a deep breath under water, close your eyes and tighten your fists. Because the wave will come and go, but at least you’ll remember that YOU chose…
to hold on to the ground.
Previously Published on Yahvi News