The Ex Factor

Ex’s. The people we date, the people we remember, the people that mold us into who we are and prep us for the person we decide to settle down with.  As the years go by the number of the people that fall into this category go up. Ever wondered why you have to learn so many lessons before finding ‘the one’? Aren’t a few examples enough? And why do we keep running into them or choose to keep them in our lives if the lesson has already been learnt?  Will we end up with one of them?

There are different types of Ex’s and they all bring something to the table. Lets take a look at some of the ones we are all way too familiar with.


The kryptonite: Let’s start with the one that changed you forever. The one that took over your brain, manipulated you to your very core and just like superman, deprived you of your powers. This Ex is probably someone that is not in your life anymore. Someone who showed you pain to a level where the strength it took you to overcome it, taught you the definition of the term itself. There is a reason some of us have to go through some experiences like this and it is probably to teach you a little bit about the things you need to work on within yourself. It is to show you that although you should believe in everything beautiful, bad does exist. However, this teaches you that the world is filled with both good and bad and it is your job to not let anyone prey on your weaknesses, and break you in a way where you stop being positive or believing in yourself. Think of it this way, if you did not see some of the ugly that the world has to offer, how would you truly be able to appreciate its beauty?

The Gemini– The twins. The one with two sides. You date someone for a while, think you really like him or her and then months post the break up, wonder what you even saw in them? How were you so blinded? There is no bad blood here at all. In fact, you can probably still be friends, good friends even. But what this person did so flawlessly is made you believe they were someone completely different to who you thought they were. Sometimes we date people hoping they’ll turn out just as we imagined them and then realizing that there is actually nothing that concrete holding you two together. You may even pine over this break up for a while but eventually realize it was nothing but a habit.

What I love about the word ‘time’ is it speaks volumes if you allow it to. Sometimes, it takes loosing someone you think you really had feelings for, to learn that perhaps you did not have as strong emotions as you thought you did.

The One That Got Away: There is always that one Ex somewhere at the back of your mind that you think is right for you. The one that stands out from everyone else and makes dating as a concept seem worth it. We place them on pedestals and that is because we share a deep connection with them that is unexplainable. They are always there for you, they never forget to remind you of your worth and have always treated you the way you know you should be treated by someone who truly cares. Someone wise once said to me that these Ex’s serve as angels in your life. They are brought into your life to set the bar. To show you what true emotions should look like, to show you the things worth fighting for and most importantly, to give you clarity on the type of connection you truly seek.

The One You Walked Away From: There will always be that Ex who YOU walked away from. The one who’s heart YOU shattered. You know why you always remember them? Because, at some point, someone has done it to YOU. Unfortunately, every time your heart breaks or pines for someone, you always remember that one person. You then realize that this is what it might have felt like to pine for you. The good news about this? If you always remember, then somewhere out there, when one of your Ex’s heart is breaking, you can be assured, they’re thinking about you too.

Your First Love: Ahh the candle that always burns! And even if the flame has died years ago the fire it set in your heart will live on forever. That one bond you will only feel once and that one heartbreak that you will only go through,once. The best part about this bond is that you may not know it now, but it officially is one of the most significant reasons you are who you are today. The most captivated you have ever felt and the value you now have for knowing how rare it is to find.

You meet all these people because you wouldn’t know what works if something hadn’t stopped working. As I have mentioned before, in a world filled with options, how would you know what to pick if you did not know what not too.

Some of these chapters get revisited with Ex’s because there is the rare occasion that you were meant to learn more lessons while spending time apart, only to then realize their worth in your life. Or, because the lesson you were to learn from them, hasn’t been fully achieved.

When it comes to Ex’s, you get to decide who you want to keep around and who you think no longer serves a purpose. You get to decide if someone is worth fighting for and who is best kept in the past. But, most importantly the questions it should raise are one of the following.

Are you willing to put it all behind, clean your slate and clear your baggage so you will finally be able to recognize prince charming when he strolls in nonchalantly, because you are finally ready?


is everything you ever wanted, somewhere in your past…

exactly where you left it?



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