Ghosting is a popular concept in the dating world that we can safely refer to, as down right, rude. This is when someone ends all contact with you with absolutely no reason given and just simply disappears. There are no goodbyes, no break up speeches and no text saying ‘this is not working out’, NOTHING. They take a call, vanish and pretty much just expect you to understand. A phenomenon that has spread like the plague and one that can truly drive people insane.
Most single people go on many dates so the chances of this happening to you at least once in your life, is pretty high. So how do you deal with your feelings when someone you cared about falls off the face of the earth?
Well firstly, call them out on it. If you feel that someone you spent your precious time with can stoop to a level where they don’t even feel like they owe you any explanation, then you are allowed that one text or call to confront them. Tell them that you think it was a cowardly move and that they could have just been honest with you. You may not get the response you wanted or one at all, but you stood up for yourself. That feeling in your pit that whispers ‘someone treated me this way and got away with it’ will slowly start to fade into oblivion. Even if you did not get to have a discussion about it you at least got to tell them that your not going to sit back and just keep quiet.
So here is the second part and the hardest part. Once you have got that ONE call or text out of your system, STOP contacting them! The last thing you want him or her to think is that ghosting you was a great idea. There is a fine line between ‘you did me wrong and I freaking noticed’ and ‘I am batshit crazy’. The only way you can feel good about yourself again is if you stop picking on the one thing that is making you feel bad. Why should this other person get the satisfaction of having all your attention when they clearly didn’t appreciate it?
Now let’s start on the healing process shall we? You have to delete and let go. Since our phones tend to be our lifeline and our link to the outside world for knowledge, you need to stop wanting information on this person. Delete them from your life. Stalking is not healthy, and neither will it give you the answers you seek. Out of sight, out of mind is probably one of the truest statements I have ever heard. The less they are in your face, the easier it will be to forget them and that is exactly what you should be focusing on. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Every person is different and some of their actions unjust. Be happy that you did not waste any more time with an individual who has no value for it.
Lastly, let go. Party with your friends, focus on work and don’t let the dating world get you down. There are tons of wonderful people out there who will probably make great partners and would never treat anyone like this. Look forward to meeting these human beings because trust me when I say this, they are out there.
Perhaps certain bonds are meant to drop dead and turn into ghosts because if the universe did not kill it for us, we wouldn’t be able to see how wrong they are for us.
Maybe the universe comes across as though it has a nasty sense of humour, but I strongly believe that it’s secretly listening to what you want. Perhaps by eliminating the wrong people for you it’s doing its best to make sure…
you get it.