Ah! You are finally in a good relationship and you couldn’t be happier. However, the deeper you get the more your emotions spring out to the surface of your being because with happiness comes the fear of losing it. So, what can you do to make sure your relationship can evolve into a long lasting one? Let’s take a look at some of the toxic behaviour patterns you can avoid:
The scoreboard: The worst thing you can possibly do is keep score with your partner. It is common to want to be appreciated for all the effort you put into your relationship but throwing it in their face, takes away from any effort you might have put in. If you want to do something for your other half, do it because you love them. Do it because it makes YOU happy and because YOU know how to love someone. Expecting immense gratitude or keeping score for all the things you have done only reflects on expectations YOU have of wanting something in return. Don’t underestimate your partner’s intelligence. When you remind them of what you’ve done for them, your kind gestures get seen only as manipulation.
The dream killer: Just because you and your other half are together and love each other, doesn’t mean you can’t have dreams of your own. Most people think that unity is when every check box on your list effortlessly matches with the check box of their significant other. However, I truly wonder how this can be translated into loving someone? If your partner has dreams that they wish to fulfil, isn’t loving someone making sure you support them even at the risk of losing them? It should be about caring enough to help them reach their full potential because isn’t that the kind of person YOU want to be with? Someone, who is happy and content with themselves? If your relationship has never had to fight any hurdle of being together then how can you really call it love? Allowing someone to be complacent with himself or herself is extremely TOXIC. Do you want to be viewed as the partner who believed in them or the partner that held them back? If you are viewed as the second, one day you will be left behind because people can’t run away from what their heart truly desires. However, if you are viewed as the first, they probably will want to achieve their utmost desires but won’t be able to do it without you by their side.
Competing with YOUR team: Be happy for your partner’s accomplishments. Celebrate with them. Be proud of them. I mean, this person is YOUR other half! Many a time I see couples turn into each other’s rivals so their ego can be at peace. However, when you do this you are competing with your own team. It’s like not being happy for your self. If you do not want to actually see your significant other do well, you really need to rethink being part of this bond.
Jealousy is not attractive: Okay let’s be honest. We all get jealous. Our significant other talking about someone else in high regard, noticing when he or she checked out someone else or merely getting attention by someone attractive doesn’t ALWAYS sit right with us. However, there is a fine line between something irking you and to being plain, psychotic. If you feel a certain way you can ask. You probably should ask. You’re with this person so you don’t have to live in anxiety. However, asking to see their phone, checking their email and forbidding them to meet someone is just controlling and highly insecure behaviour. Remember, you do not own your partner. It is their free will and love that they have for YOU that makes them want to commit to you. And it will be those same reasons that will guide them to do the right thing if they feel your questions are coming from a place of concern and less from a place of assertiveness and overreaction.
Disrespect: Never, I repeat never, allow this to become a factor in your relationship. Once you allow someone to speak to you rudely it’ll become a habit. Putting your foot down and guiding a relationship to have respect is in both your hands. If you can’t do this, then do not expect someone to respect you if you clearly don’t know how to respect yourself. Unfortunately, if this is a recurring factor in your relationship, I would highly suggest getting out of it. This is by far the most toxic element and no relationship is worth the cost of your own dignity.
Dating is hard. Making a relationship work? Even harder. However, I am a strong believer that nothing worth having comes easy. So, if you want to make it last, then you have to nurture it.
And, maybe the biggest ingredient we can add to our relationships in order to see them succeed is simply by getting a grip on our deep-rooted self-doubts. Perhaps all it takes is to actively try to be the best version of ourselves for the people we love. You can allow all the insecurities, uncertainty and lack of trying to understand one another to sabotage your relationship or you can keep one simple fact in mind.
Your other half actually chose to love you back.
And you owe it to them…to live up to the word.