Time and again people stay in relationships that aren’t truly working for them. When asked why they stay? They respond nonchalantly with the answer, ‘ because I love him or her’. They answer this in a way where you are supposed to think that that sole reason makes it all okay. I often wonder, as friends, why we never turn around and say, ‘So?’
Are we telling each other, as a generation that it is okay to stay in something that we know doesn’t make us happy? With constant fights and one person pining for someone else’s love, how is it okay to stay in something that we call love, but don’t get back in return?
After doing some research I came to the conclusion that perhaps there are a few other reasons as to why we actually stay and aren’t honest with ourselves of why we do. Take a look at some of the reasons as to why I think we stay.
Low Self Esteem: So, you don’t want to admit this one, but you know even while reading this, that this is true. If you truly loved yourself you would not stick it out in something that doesn’t give you the same returns. You can call it love all you want, but you don’t respect yourself enough if you are not keeping your options open to find something great.
Fantasy: So, this one is the worst. It is the worst because people tend to create and hold on to a fantasy about what the relationship could be like instead of accepting it for what it truly is right now. We hold on to notions of, maybe one day it will work out, they will come around and the best one, they will realize my worth. Sorry to break it to you, no they won’t! If someone really loved you and if things were supposed to work out, don’t you think they’d already be working? You can hold on to this fantasy of it magically working out all you want, but the truth is, if they don’t love you by now, they’re probably never ever going to.
Fear: So, let me guess, you are scared of being lonely right? But aren’t you lonely right now? You are not exactly happy and satisfied are you? If you have reached the bottom of this emotion then it can only go up, right? It certainly won’t go up until something changes. And, clearly nothing is changing here, so if you want to feel better, maybe you should take out the sole reason that is not allowing you to a.k.a your supposed other half.
Time: So, you have invested so much time that you rather work on this with them then with someone new, right? How about looking at this one as you have WASTED so much time, why not ENJOY your time with someone where being happy is actually an option? Life is to short. And time, it waits for no one. So investing in your own misery, is a really sad thing to do.
Hope: So you have held on to hope and the fact that things will get better in time, but have they? Do you truly think it is healthy to hold on just because you want something even if the universe is telling you that it is wrong for you? Because, let’s face it, if it wasn’t telling you that, you’d have it. They say if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. But it is broken, so you can’t fix it.
Accepting the truth about why we stay in these relationships might be hard to swallow. The point of this article is so that you open your mind to accepting. It is only when you realize why your staying and what you are doing to yourself, will you take the blame of the other person and internalize the stand you have taken to stay miserable.
I leave you with this. The next time you or someone close to you is actively partaking in staying in a relationship that doesn’t bring them true happiness, that is throwing away good options and that is not allowing themselves to move on from something they should because they claim to love the other person; I hope you or someone close to you, turns around and says…